WoW WoW

Hello Gansta’s

I write to you today from my post-WoW mountain retreat, high in the Southern Alps… where the air is sweet and juicy with the scent of tomorrows saccharin hopes.

I just finished an 11 night date with the delightful Topp Twins… and, while I didn’t have too much free time to mingle with any of the 140 strong cast and crew, it was certainly a fun time.

The Topps, of course, riding the hot success of their Toronto film experiences, and their fans knowing it!  There aren’t too many of us who hit the big time like that, and remain grounded, down to earth and genuinely humble… These ladies certainly hold it together in the “salt of the earth” department…

Indeed, many times after the show, as my Hummer was pulling away from the gig, I spotted them both walking back to the hotel…  Even on the night they threw a gigantic BBQ pool party for the cast.  Humble, Generous, Grounded… and still with that rural glam that took ‘em to the Topp.

Besides, who doesn’t respect a couple of birds who can say “piss” and “shit” in front of 35000 little old ladies.

On now to very different destinations… the Gals hit the road in 5 days for a national tour celebrating all good things.  I myself will be taking a month or two off to recapitalize my portfolio and tune up the old Harley… (if you know what I mean, ladies).

Meanwhile – my manager is off on a music tour of the South Island in November (such a hippy). http://www.kimpotter.co.nz

Vinyl – Out.

The great tour of 2009

Hello Kids,

Having just completed my Northern Summer Tour for 2009, and having met so many great people, I just wanted to give you all a little shout out.  It’s been a killer tour, taking in Cork, Dublin, Spruce Grove, Edmonton, Grande Prairie, Red Deer, Calgary, Crystal Lake, Edmonton again and finally a little time here in Vancouver, watching my manager sweat it out on the stage for a change… now THAT’s workin’ !

I fly the jet back into Wellington city on the 13th and jump right into the fantastical World Of Wearable Art awards.  I’m regularly invited to pop along and ease the old biddies into the right frame of mind to enjoy the show… A touch of Vinyl usually makes the world of difference.

I’ll be taking October off, for the most part, and then heading out on the road with one of my management team, Kim Potter.  He’s embarking on a music tour of New Zealand’s south island, and I’m going along as press adviser and general good time guy.

Check out his stuff at http://www.kimpotter.co.nz and maybe come and say hi sometime.

Word.
VB

Edmonton Fringe Festival 2009

Hello fellow battlers…

Welcome aboard the 2009 Fringe Theatre Adventure here in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, Planet Earth.

I just wanted to remind everyone of my show times.  There was a slight misprint in the printed program, which involved accidentally reversing the names of the two stages (Trans Alta / Journal)

So, here is my correct schedule… along with a reminder that you can’t ever trust the print media… only blogs and real people.

Friday, August 14, 2:15 pm – 3:00 pm (Edmonton Journal Stage)

Friday, August 14, 7:15 pm – 8:00 pm (TransAlta Power Stage)

Saturday, August 15, 3:15 pm – 4:00 pm (Edmonton Journal Stage)

Saturday, August 15, 8:15 pm – 9:00 pm (TransAlta Power Stage)

Sunday, August 16, 4:15 pm – 5:00 pm (Edmonton Journal Stage)

Sunday, August 16, 9:15 pm – 10:00 pm (TransAlta Power Stage)

Monday, August 17, 5:15 pm – 6:00 pm (Edmonton Journal Stage)

Monday, August 17, 10:15 pm – 11:00 pm (TransAlta Power Stage)

Tuesday, August 18, 12:15 pm – 1:00 pm (TransAlta Power Stage)

Tuesday, August 18, 6:15 pm – 7:00 pm (Edmonton Journal Stage)

Wednesday, August 19, 1:15 pm – 2:00 pm (TransAlta Power Stage)

Wednesday, August 19, 7:15 pm – 8:00 pm (Edmonton Journal Stage)

Thursday, August 20, 2:15 pm – 3:00 pm (TransAlta Power Stage)

Thursday, August 20, 8:15 pm – 9:00 pm (Edmonton Journal Stage)

Friday, August 21, 3:15 pm – 4:00 pm (TransAlta Power Stage)

Friday, August 21, 9:15 pm – 10:00 pm (Edmonton Journal Stage)

Saturday, August 22, 4:15 pm – 5:00 pm (TransAlta Power Stage)

Saturday, August 22, 10:15 pm – 11:00 pm (Edmonton Journal Stage)

Sunday, August 23, 12:15 pm – 1:00 pm (Edmonton Journal Stage)

Sunday, August 23, 5:15 pm – 6:00 pm (TransAlta Power Stage)

Photographs and Autographs will be available after each performance, but I prefer not to overdo it, as it lowers the resale value of them if I dish out too many…  I owe it to my investors to keep it in the black… (not like that Virginia – lol).

Word, my popes.

A quick hello

Hello followers,

Just a quick hello from our suite in the Mettera hotel on Edmontons Whyte Ave… 80 meters from the stages we work on this week.

The wine and cheese is a little dissapointing this year and the breakfast – far to early for my beauty hours, but it will be a fine fine time.

Hope to see you either at the shows, or on our patio…

Hugs – VB

Celebrity – it's who I am.

People often ask me…. why do I know you? How did we meet? Why are you dressed that way?

Let me clear all this up, once and for all…

I’m a man of good looks, charisma, charm and easy vibes. I hold court like Jordan jumps across it. I enjoy imparting my genius to the ladies, and sometimes the men are close enough to pick a little of it up as well.

I like to write the names of my lovers on the sand at the beach, but often there are too many people on the beach for me to finish the list.

I like to eat. In Korea, I ate a dog. They told me it was the local custom, and because I know how important it is to honour the locals and show respect for their little customs, I just wolfed that puppy right on down.

They started whispering to each other, and then the one who spoke English said that it was also customary to eat my hat. I don’t wear a hat, but I sait I’d eat my shirt, if it would please them. He said it would please them very much. So I ate my shirt. I was pretty full by the end because it was winter time, so it was a heavy woolen shirt.

I’m a diplomat and an cultural icon and figurehead. I’m a figurine on the giant porcelain chess board of pop culture. I dabble in politics and I write for some magazines that prefer to remain anonymous.

You like me. They like me. I like me.

I’m one of a kind and I teach all manner of things. I have a poker retreat up in the Ruahine mountains, near where that guy got shot by his hunter friend.

I teach surf lifesaving in the winter time (to make sure they’re really tough and ready for action), and I do some freelance dentistry and the odd bit of surgery (to keep my hand in).

I vote as often as I can (usually just once or twice every three or four years) and I’m a silent contributor to a number of political movements. I was an officer of the CIA for a short period in the 1980s when things got pretty hot in Altantic City, but these days, I’m just watched by them… just like everybody else.

I’m famous for life. For love. For good and for bad.

I’m in it for the funny.

And while I’m here, we should get into Pakistan before those North Koreans do…

I’m not saying that I know anything, but there are some things that I know… which I can’t tell you.

Three words… Collider – Saturn V – Watergate.

Ok, Watergate is two words with a space bar recession. And “V” is just a letter, which in this case represents a number, so that’s even less of an extra word.

In any case… stock up on the water and watch a lot of M*A*S*H – we didn’t spend 60 million bucks on the script for nothing.

Peace, Cosmos and The future to you all….

because when you’re with Vinyl Burns… it’s ALWAYS tomorrow.

VB

A wise man once said…

Hello gang…

A friendly correspondent passed on these kind words, and while I don’t really understand what he mean’t, I felt you all deserve to stay in touch with how my public see me.

So, here you are…

Burns are all that are left scorching the dirty paisley carpet The Vinyl once strode upon, exploding into the lime and predominantly bage light creating a road others’ can never follow; 4 litres of Chocolate milk? Is this a challenge?
Is this a question of ignorance?

Wise man say: “They know not who they put to the test, tis the Vanilla Vizzle tis the BewilderBawizzle; Armageddon will come to pass, and pass it shall, there will stand only one, they shall call him not Vinyl or Burns, they shall call him; The Teeth of Destiny.”

That’s what the kids are saying thizzle dizzle.

VB

Vinyl Burns at the Edmonton Fringe 2008

I am a man.  I have been a man for a long time… ever since that bad kebab in the off-license out the back of Briony’s Meat Palace in Camden.  Good times.

This festival, I’ve been a little busy to keep you abreast of my activities, so I’ll now run through a poetic summary of the recent past.

I’ve seen heat.  I was pleased to be performing in 42 degree heat, in front of 53 people and a discarded hotdog.  The 2nd hottest day in the history of Edmonton brought me a powerful experience and brought the greenroom a powerful odor.

My room mate Aytahn slid into the darkness of lazy company and sadly or gladly, watched her sleep on the floor, whilst he dreamed of more successful moves, lying on a pile of mattresses, duvets, cereal boxes and a frisbee…

The shows come and the shows go… sometimes they feel like being killed… sometimes there’s a reason for that.  Every now and then, you’re given a tiny glimpse into the reality of what you offer to people, and that turns it all around.

You can love me from afar…  but I won’t be there for long.

VB

Dallas Woodland

Passion is a waiting panther, wearing a bikini in the jungle.

It was a sparkling winters evening in 1974. The unseasonable snow storm had forced me off the highway, and into the woodlands. I was attempting a "CHiPs" style 180 turn, when a snake fell out of a tree onto my windscreen and I lost focus. I awoke hours later, my mustang half in a ditch, and with a strange ethereal princess (or priestess, I can't remember – I was quite drunk) shaking me and asking about money for the phone. The natural response seemed to be to compliment her good looks. This instantly changed the mood… She leaned toward me, her beads jangling in the icy moonlight… and kissed me on the shoulders… I reciprocated… as the cold, the shock, the perfume and the excitment overwhelmed me.

When I was revived my medical personnel 9 hours later, she was gone… leaving me with a heaviness in my heart, a lightness in my wallet and a lump on the back of my head.

The lump… of love.

I will let you eavesdrop on my genius…

I was chatting with an old showbiz pal the other day, on the wireless intranet, and we ended up casually mulling over a few old ideas with powerful modern relevance in the current financial climate.  So I’ve cut and pasted it straight in here for you to learn a thing or two.

Just read between all the names and places and time stamps, to extract the powerful knowledge nestled within the power of this new dawn, this shining horizon of words.

————-

Burpies? as in exercise?
10:43pmVinyl

yeah

when it’s night time, you can’t go running around near the horses…

freaks everybody out

so a little living room jumping around is the way to go
10:44pmVernon

Freakin’ brilliant mate, go you… what’re you up to?
10:44pmVinyl

reading up on GTD

“getting things done”

and putting together promo

how was the Las Vegas gig?

did you do a spot in Cirque Du Money?
10:47pmVernon

I recommend THE POWER OF NOW. started working with Duchovny so took me a month to collect it after I ordered it. No way dude, we used their hotel for 3 of our shows after their season, Bernard said oh mate you’ll never even see the Lamas during an evening show, then they all oohed and aahed at the prairie scene. Bernard was also blown away that we pay our clowns!
10:48pmVinyl

good stuff

I don’t know if he really dreams that big…

such potential with that setup

and his connections

and his “man of the people” vibe…
10:50pmVernon

shshshshshsh… I know and Im scheming… and like last time I worked Vegas, people came up to us and asked what we were selling… still, I sold plenty of linen from the hotel, good sideline.
10:51pmVinyl

yeah

and you can often load up on shampoo and conditioner, soaps, airplane socks, hair nets…

Aytahn and I use them as givaways in our shows when we’d do Edmonton Fringe
10:53pm Vernon

give them away? not in a recession…
10:53pmVinyl

it’s like giving the kid $5

plant the seed

they’ll give back more than you gave out
10:57pmVernon

I’ve started giving the kid $4.50
10:58pmVinyl

of course…

that makes sense in a corporate environment

they’ll see the added value in your focused investment approach
10:59pmVernon

YES… it’s all on the understanding that the show AND MORE IMPORTANTLY THE AUDIENCE is actually worth more than the kid…
11:00pmVinyl

yes

and the more they pay you… the more they feel they deserved to be entertained
11:01pmVernon

and hopefully I’ve left before they analyse that logic too deeply
11:02pmVinyl

and that they’ve paid in cash, or some other form of “instant” money

————–

Live, Learn, Love to make the money…

Vinyl Burns

You need this flying car, like Wayne Anderson needs a stage!

I'm a busy man… so if I want something, it has to happen pretty fast.
The flying car is a fantastic amalgamation of practicality and excess, and being a fan of both, I'm glad that the future is here. I've been involved with the testing over the last seven years, and my informed input has helped steer this futuristic jalopy in the direction that is about to be realised.

The key to selling it is simple. You have to be seen to want it, and the best way to be seen to want it, is to just miss out on buying one. That's why we've developed an online purchasing software system that enables the customer order, customise and even virtually test fly/drive their vehicle from the comfort of their own home. The only thing missing is a working "purchase" button.

It is the frustration of the would be purchaser that will spill over, initially in the form of rage and possible domestic violence, but eventually creating a global buzz of unfulfilled dreams and hollow desires. The very foundation of so many successful business enterprises.

I'm just a successful entertainer and man of the people, but I do know what sells, and what happens when it doesn't.

So I'll see you at ground zero, and I'll stand with you as you watch your dreams float away into the Autumn skies.

Sucka!