Hey there super-ladies and rock fella’s….

I just want you all to know I’m looking forward to serving up a hefty rucksack full of good sweet happiness and sun glazed forever-times this summer.  When you’ve been around the world as many times as I have, you certainly look forward to the chilled time, busting out local shows and getting a package on in the sunshine.

If you want to know exactly where that package will be this summer, catch me at http://www.vinylburns.com and take up my introductory offer of free everything; cos I’m like that.

Xmas from Vnas

VB

My People…

I’m no stranger to home ownership, property development and commercial exploitation of the rental tides.

However much of an expert I am on these matters, I like to think that I owe it, in part, to my strategy of staying in touch with the regular folks…  I do this, by renting a few properties around the place.  Just to see how it feels, you understand.

In between whipping up a frenzy of rock-bizz on stages around the planet, I sometimes spend time “re-rentalizing” my self at one of these little places.

It was in one such place, here, today, that I came face to face with the age old bug bear of the urban renter… the land lady.

She pulled the oldest scam in the book… the surprise inspection.

I didn’t resist too much… after all I had little to hide in this beach side hobo shack… just my down-synthesized sub-average lounge space, and a few of my own items, for peace of vibe.  But I was awestruck by here brazen and bold faced implementation of the following tricks of the trade.

1) The “I’ll just walk in the back door without knocking”

2) The “oh, didn’t you get the letter about the inspection…?”

3) The “I’m inspecting you the day after I finally fixed that light fitting you’ve been asking about for six weeks”

4) The “let me just give you another gentle dig about how long the lawns are”

I would never, of course, dream of slandering a particular agency [Ray] my mentioning [White] them here… So instead of writing the name here, I have [Ray] cut them [White] from THIS document, and pasted them into another document, which should arrive in perfect synchronicity with the previously mentioned inspection notice.

[Ray White Real Estate]

Digging you every day…

VB

Hello people of planet earth.

Alright, as the discretion of judicial silence and superstar respect is about to crumble, I just want to say the following.

1) I thought she said “in the howly”

2) I didn’t realise there were only three of them.

3) I was helping her look for her shoes.

4) I would do it again, but I’d bring my lawer.

5) I regret any damage to clothing or loss of jewellery.

I thank you all for sticking with me through these tough times, and I look forward to showing the ladies what I gots, in a more traditional medium.

Sincerely yours,
Vinyl Burns

P.S. Barbara, call me… They’re still covered under warrantee.

I’ve just made a special celebrity guest appearance at Dunedin’s Circulation festival, brought to the people by Highly Flamable corporation.

4 days of earthy cosmic good times, out in the jungles of west Dunedin.

I graces the event with a little hosting at their public show, filled with exotic delights and Childrens playthings. I also threw in a little VB curveball action early on by hosting the Renegade show… An open stage where you can do almost anything you like.
I didn’t, but some of those youngsters cut loose on it… Flat foot balls Out bonza (as my old buddy used to say before his accident).

Big fatty ups also, to those who bought the album, or woke up with it in their sleeping bag… Large tunes to make that long ride home last a golden eternity.

VB – forever!

Hello Gansta’s

I write to you today from my post-WoW mountain retreat, high in the Southern Alps… where the air is sweet and juicy with the scent of tomorrows saccharin hopes.

I just finished an 11 night date with the delightful Topp Twins… and, while I didn’t have too much free time to mingle with any of the 140 strong cast and crew, it was certainly a fun time.

The Topps, of course, riding the hot success of their Toronto film experiences, and their fans knowing it!  There aren’t too many of us who hit the big time like that, and remain grounded, down to earth and genuinely humble… These ladies certainly hold it together in the “salt of the earth” department…

Indeed, many times after the show, as my Hummer was pulling away from the gig, I spotted them both walking back to the hotel…  Even on the night they threw a gigantic BBQ pool party for the cast.  Humble, Generous, Grounded… and still with that rural glam that took ‘em to the Topp.

Besides, who doesn’t respect a couple of birds who can say “piss” and “shit” in front of 35000 little old ladies.

On now to very different destinations… the Gals hit the road in 5 days for a national tour celebrating all good things.  I myself will be taking a month or two off to recapitalize my portfolio and tune up the old Harley… (if you know what I mean, ladies).

Meanwhile – my manager is off on a music tour of the South Island in November (such a hippy). http://www.kimpotter.co.nz

Vinyl – Out.

Hello Kids,

Having just completed my Northern Summer Tour for 2009, and having met so many great people, I just wanted to give you all a little shout out.  It’s been a killer tour, taking in Cork, Dublin, Spruce Grove, Edmonton, Grande Prairie, Red Deer, Calgary, Crystal Lake, Edmonton again and finally a little time here in Vancouver, watching my manager sweat it out on the stage for a change… now THAT’s workin’ !

I fly the jet back into Wellington city on the 13th and jump right into the fantastical World Of Wearable Art awards.  I’m regularly invited to pop along and ease the old biddies into the right frame of mind to enjoy the show… A touch of Vinyl usually makes the world of difference.

I’ll be taking October off, for the most part, and then heading out on the road with one of my management team, Kim Potter.  He’s embarking on a music tour of New Zealand’s south island, and I’m going along as press adviser and general good time guy.

Check out his stuff at http://www.kimpotter.co.nz and maybe come and say hi sometime.

Word.
VB

Hello fellow battlers…

Welcome aboard the 2009 Fringe Theatre Adventure here in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, Planet Earth.

I just wanted to remind everyone of my show times.  There was a slight misprint in the printed program, which involved accidentally reversing the names of the two stages (Trans Alta / Journal)

So, here is my correct schedule… along with a reminder that you can’t ever trust the print media… only blogs and real people.

Friday, August 14, 2:15 pm – 3:00 pm (Edmonton Journal Stage)

Friday, August 14, 7:15 pm – 8:00 pm (TransAlta Power Stage)

Saturday, August 15, 3:15 pm – 4:00 pm (Edmonton Journal Stage)

Saturday, August 15, 8:15 pm – 9:00 pm (TransAlta Power Stage)

Sunday, August 16, 4:15 pm – 5:00 pm (Edmonton Journal Stage)

Sunday, August 16, 9:15 pm – 10:00 pm (TransAlta Power Stage)

Monday, August 17, 5:15 pm – 6:00 pm (Edmonton Journal Stage)

Monday, August 17, 10:15 pm – 11:00 pm (TransAlta Power Stage)

Tuesday, August 18, 12:15 pm – 1:00 pm (TransAlta Power Stage)

Tuesday, August 18, 6:15 pm – 7:00 pm (Edmonton Journal Stage)

Wednesday, August 19, 1:15 pm – 2:00 pm (TransAlta Power Stage)

Wednesday, August 19, 7:15 pm – 8:00 pm (Edmonton Journal Stage)

Thursday, August 20, 2:15 pm – 3:00 pm (TransAlta Power Stage)

Thursday, August 20, 8:15 pm – 9:00 pm (Edmonton Journal Stage)

Friday, August 21, 3:15 pm – 4:00 pm (TransAlta Power Stage)

Friday, August 21, 9:15 pm – 10:00 pm (Edmonton Journal Stage)

Saturday, August 22, 4:15 pm – 5:00 pm (TransAlta Power Stage)

Saturday, August 22, 10:15 pm – 11:00 pm (Edmonton Journal Stage)

Sunday, August 23, 12:15 pm – 1:00 pm (Edmonton Journal Stage)

Sunday, August 23, 5:15 pm – 6:00 pm (TransAlta Power Stage)

Photographs and Autographs will be available after each performance, but I prefer not to overdo it, as it lowers the resale value of them if I dish out too many…  I owe it to my investors to keep it in the black… (not like that Virginia – lol).

Word, my popes.

Hello followers,

Just a quick hello from our suite in the Mettera hotel on Edmontons Whyte Ave… 80 meters from the stages we work on this week.

The wine and cheese is a little dissapointing this year and the breakfast – far to early for my beauty hours, but it will be a fine fine time.

Hope to see you either at the shows, or on our patio…

Hugs – VB

People often ask me…. why do I know you? How did we meet? Why are you dressed that way?

Let me clear all this up, once and for all…

I’m a man of good looks, charisma, charm and easy vibes. I hold court like Jordan jumps across it. I enjoy imparting my genius to the ladies, and sometimes the men are close enough to pick a little of it up as well.

I like to write the names of my lovers on the sand at the beach, but often there are too many people on the beach for me to finish the list.

I like to eat. In Korea, I ate a dog. They told me it was the local custom, and because I know how important it is to honour the locals and show respect for their little customs, I just wolfed that puppy right on down.

They started whispering to each other, and then the one who spoke English said that it was also customary to eat my hat. I don’t wear a hat, but I sait I’d eat my shirt, if it would please them. He said it would please them very much. So I ate my shirt. I was pretty full by the end because it was winter time, so it was a heavy woolen shirt.

I’m a diplomat and an cultural icon and figurehead. I’m a figurine on the giant porcelain chess board of pop culture. I dabble in politics and I write for some magazines that prefer to remain anonymous.

You like me. They like me. I like me.

I’m one of a kind and I teach all manner of things. I have a poker retreat up in the Ruahine mountains, near where that guy got shot by his hunter friend.

I teach surf lifesaving in the winter time (to make sure they’re really tough and ready for action), and I do some freelance dentistry and the odd bit of surgery (to keep my hand in).

I vote as often as I can (usually just once or twice every three or four years) and I’m a silent contributor to a number of political movements. I was an officer of the CIA for a short period in the 1980s when things got pretty hot in Altantic City, but these days, I’m just watched by them… just like everybody else.

I’m famous for life. For love. For good and for bad.

I’m in it for the funny.

And while I’m here, we should get into Pakistan before those North Koreans do…

I’m not saying that I know anything, but there are some things that I know… which I can’t tell you.

Three words… Collider – Saturn V – Watergate.

Ok, Watergate is two words with a space bar recession. And “V” is just a letter, which in this case represents a number, so that’s even less of an extra word.

In any case… stock up on the water and watch a lot of M*A*S*H – we didn’t spend 60 million bucks on the script for nothing.

Peace, Cosmos and The future to you all….

because when you’re with Vinyl Burns… it’s ALWAYS tomorrow.

VB

Hello gang…

A friendly correspondent passed on these kind words, and while I don’t really understand what he mean’t, I felt you all deserve to stay in touch with how my public see me.

So, here you are…

Burns are all that are left scorching the dirty paisley carpet The Vinyl once strode upon, exploding into the lime and predominantly bage light creating a road others’ can never follow; 4 litres of Chocolate milk? Is this a challenge?
Is this a question of ignorance?

Wise man say: “They know not who they put to the test, tis the Vanilla Vizzle tis the BewilderBawizzle; Armageddon will come to pass, and pass it shall, there will stand only one, they shall call him not Vinyl or Burns, they shall call him; The Teeth of Destiny.”

That’s what the kids are saying thizzle dizzle.

VB