A hysterical brief of my time…
January 5, 2012
How many people might I be sleeping with???
Hello, It’s Vinyl Burns here, and it’s a new year.
What better time to look back at the previous one and pass on a few pieces of information that will help you if you ever end up touring Croatia, under the guidance of some Macedonian businessmen, their husband and a hip hop producer.
1) Never ever, no matter where you’re going, consult a map.
2) If you’re lost… stop quickly in a busy roadway and yell questions at some local startled children, in a language that (I assumed) they don’t understand. (Never ask more than one person for directions, you can be pretty certain that you can trust the nervous pointing and waving of your first encounter, to accurately guide you to your destination.)
Everything will be cool.
3) All festivals provide a free creche… with fun activities for the children… including crossbows.
4) Your equipment will certainly be safe in the tent…
There’s a security guard drinking ethanol and/or sleeping outside it, 24/7.
5) 8 is almost always 11.
6) Buy yourself some shiny suits.
(I forgot to last year, so I’m going back.)
7) No matter what situation you find yourself in… say the word “Pane” and everything will be cool.
8) So long as you’re not all hung up on “how many”, “how much”, “what time”, “how long”, “what currency”, “not enough”, “too fast”, “too slow”, “not legal” or “not comfortable”…
you can rest assured that everything…
will be cool.
10) Only the chicken knows the secret.
Do you want to be the chicken?
Everything will be cool.
11) Even a political murder… carried out by the police on the festival grounds, and subsequent uprising, will somehow… be cool.
12) 80′s hair rock covers bands are cool.
13) You know how you always wanted Green Apple Shampoo to taste like it smells?
Welcome to Macedonia!
14) Beer is purchased in meters.
“I would like to buy two meters of beer please…”
Caught up inside your problems?
October 23, 2010
Hello troubled world,
It’s been a heck of a week out here in the Pacific islands. A little whirlwind of doubt, blame and nerves…
I don’t propose a solution to these dark twisty issues, but I offer a kind of visual metaphor. When you’re surrounded by a swirling mess of pulpy trouble, just jump right on in, and eat your way out.
So folks, with all the fruity love in my pithy heart, I suggest to you… Just eat it!
Vinyl Burns.
Field Days
May 16, 2010
Greetings from the tropical Hainsville superette, here in Maunawhapau heights.
I’ve been out here working with a local hip hop artist, and teaching my distinctive studio technique to the local folk club. The result of this collaboration is nothing short of interesting.
Isolation is a double-edged boulevard, one end of which lends itself to the creation of original and boldly ground breaking creative developments… Not that you will know how original they are, if you never see anybody else.
I won’t go into the actual content we’ve been working on, as it’s still in progress, and Claude the engineer has locked himself in the booth with all the masters, so we’re working on his demands… But the focus of this post is to highlight the value of being separated from the masses for a period of time. It helps to build self-reliance, faith in your destiny, and gathers an aura of mystery and awe, which will linger all around you, even after you return to the public arena.
Like Claude keeps saying, “I don’t coming out until we have honouring my requests…”
And that’s what I mean too… You can’t come out of the box until people know that you’re in the box.
I’m not in a box, but I like people who are… They don’t get as scared and nervous as people in the real world… So they’re easier to talk to, even if you can’t see them.
It’s late.
VB
