The Vinyl Burns Shop

Good tidings to you, one and alls…

As a good friend of mine often says…

“A lot of you folks will have trouble attaching a financial value to the 45 minutes of intangibly high quality life experience that we’ve shared… So here’s some stuff you can buy.”

It’s been troubling me for some time, this gaping void in my multimedular tri-continental personality driven empire of good vibes… an inexplicable hollow moan in an otherwise hushed room of awe.

Now, and end is in sight… a destination for those many weary seekers who saught to see the light reflected into their eyeballs, off a luxuriously fashioned, yet patronisingly affordable trinket.

Behold… The Vinyl Burns Merchendise Emporium.

http://www.cafepress.com/vinylburns

Also accessable vie the usual channels… http://www.vinylburns.com

I wish you all the happiest of shopping… and as a special introductory offer, I will be offering a special reduced price… (I’m only making 20% on these goodies, so reducing it to 10% for the first week).

That’s right, I gots shirts, shorts, ladies underthings, mugs, pens, clocks, bags, steins, thongs, frames, pillows, pet bowls, dog shirts, infant bodysuits, ringer Ts, value T’s, Green T’s, maternity dark T’s, tank tops, golf shirts, pads, stationery, hats, caps and bibs…

If I don’t have it, ask me for it, and either I’ll have it soon, or I’ll tell you that I can’t get it…  GUARANTEED!

You can’t ask fairer that that.

It’s like Big Save Furniture, but without the Furniture.

So I’ll see you there!

http://www.cafepress.com/vinylburns

VB – it’s the putting it on the right hand side, that counts.

VB

Party 2010

Hello G

2010 is almost upon us, so I felt the urge to throw down some honest partying advice to those of you ready to shake off the festivities of 2009, and drop it down into 4th gear for a night.

I’ll keep it short, cos who really wants to be tied up behind the computer all summer.  I offer 3 tips.

1) Just because the sand is mostly yellow, doesn’t mean you can’t put it in your mouth sometimes.

2) When a lady on the beach asks “Is anybody looking”, she means “Stop looking at me”

3) Sometimes the novelty of renting a beach house, just like regular people, is cooled somewhat by bad management, with a short grass fixation.  I’m a jungle lover!!!

Well, that’s about it from me for 2009.  Wherever you’re spending your New Years Eve, just know that I’ll be with thousands of lucky families in the Civic Square of Wellington City, New Zealand.

Here’s a little party song to get you in the mood!

http://bit.ly/18S4rv

I’m Vinyl Burns.

A poem, by Vinyl Burns

Here are some of the lyrics from my song “Dancer” available at http://www.vinylburns.com or on my facebook page.

DANCER.

Aw, this had better be good… you’d better be ready for this. It starts up gentle, but we fire it up… fire it up like a kiln…. Bring you all the way up to 800 degrees celcius.  That’s firing temperature. Let me tell ya… you might want to sit down for this.

Yeah… bring the beef back. Lay down some of that bovine syncopation. Four on the floor… four in the belly…. COW STYLE!

That’s right ladies, I called you bitches, I gave you babies, I brough you riches.
That’s right ladies, I called you bitches, I gave you babies, I brough you riches.

Honest, soulful… pure, honest, soulful drums… you can’t argue with the drums…

I’m a rapper, tap tap, tell me who is that?
As the vinyl turns and the record player burns,
like a wiki wiki West Nile virus fever
if a lady wants me, you’d best believe her…

Come on now… ride the bicycle to the dairy for me.
I need some butter and some eggs.
That’s what I need.

Let me tell you something….

You feel the pain, I earn the dollar, I walk the walk, it’s me they follow,
they envy me, it’s me they covet, the ladies have it and the ladies love it!
(and can you get some of those biscuits as well?)
I’m a disco dog on a leash of love, like a K9 rolling on a shagpile rug,
I scratch and I twist and I hit the ground, and I bark and I leave hairs all around.

(That’s a metaphor.  I hear you, I feel what you’re saying… with your words.)

OK.. you know what they say… “Upstairs for thinking… downstairs for parking”. It’s gonna get heavy now.

I’m a rapper, tap tap, tell me who is that?
As the vinyl turns and the record player burns,
like a wiki wiki West Nile virus fever
if a lady wants me, you’d best believe her…

Bring back the beat to the seventies master,
V for Vinyl, lazyboy recliner,
Bring back the meat for the summertime platter,
Power to the people, Vinyl is a rapper

That’s right ladies, I called you bitches, I gave you babies, I brough you riches.
I paid for dinner, I let you swallow, now crack the bass, I hear you holla.

You feel the pain, I earn the dollar, I walk the walk, it’s me they follow,
they envy me, it’s me they covet, the ladies have it and the ladies love it!

I’m a likable love and I ride a bike, I honour your culture, I respect the dykes.
I feel a fever like a summer chill, the choice is yours to be on the pill.
I’m a freedom lover and a man of means, and I like the ladies and I like machines.
I like good cooking and a lady chef, and the guy who cleans my pool, named Jeff.

A verbal warning doesn’t slow me down, doesn’t kill the evening, doesn’t cool the crowd…
Don’t stop the bus if the tank’s still full.
You’re a lady in RED and I’m a charging bull.

like a wiki wiki West Nile virus fever
if a lady wants me, you’d best believe her…