A Summer Tour
January 10, 2011
This is going to be weird.
I’m about to head out on tour. Now, that in itself isn’t too strange… I’m certainly not unfamiliar to the grime of the vaudeville road, that’s why I take so many baths. Thing is… since retiring down here in tropical electric paradise, most, if not all of my touring has been undertaken in the form of a giant, lengthy, commitment laden “northern summer” tour of such salubrious festival circuits as Canada, Eastern Europe, The U.A.E., Brazil and even the Spanish clubber’s beach paradise El Campello.
Spanish Club Dates 1988
This time it will be different. This time, it will be local.
Now, despite being retired, I still keep my hand in some pretty fruity pies down here… in part, to inspire a new generation of wannabes, but also, to be honest, because I can’t stay away from the business. It’s in my blood… and it’s not alone, so I gots to keep the show biz pumping through my veins, or the biological ratio of good vs evil will get all out of whack… and who needs that.
So, I work a healthy circuit of gigs here. All kinds of shit… all across the board… all tiers, classes, creeds, flavours, genders, budgets, venues, menus… I soak it all up, cos I like to keep it real. Also, it’s a small place, and there aren’t too many options.
This time around though, I’ve switched it up. After 12 years of being woo’d and quietly coaxed, I’ve relented, and will be attending the Christchurch World Buskers Festival.
Now this is a nice gig… Chilled schedule, beautiful locals, and a good solid pampering for the crew. But what makes it very very odd for me, is having all my buddies from the northern circuits right here, now, shoulder to shoulder, on my turf. Circumstance finally allowing me to play host to some of my closest friends and finest acts on the planet. I will love it, as will all the performers and public fans alike…
The Worlds Finest Clowns
The novelty, and resulting weirdness I feel about it all, has reminded me why I chose this neglected backchannel to wind down my career with the grace and dignity it deserves… You see, by retiring here, where there’s next to nothing going on, I can help to build a faith and passion in this industry, yet with the non-threatening status of “retired legend”, putting the youngsters at their ease. I wear the respect, without the agro.
That’s all well and good, but sometimes, when the world comes to town for ten days, and you’re invited to go play with them… it’s mighty nice to feel the local breeze on your chest, hear the local voices in your head, and drink the local wines, with your local lips.
I welcome the world’s best to Christchurch this month, and hope you’ll live the dream with us.
Kia Ora Kaha Te Whanau
Vinyl
2010 Three Strike Tour
July 23, 2010
Hello dogs and bangers.
I’m just rolling back into the zone, from a zippy little tour around the world, essentially a chance to touch ground with my best minga’s in the continent and northern USA.
First though, let me encourage you to tell your friends about the Vinyl Burns blog… Domination is all about dominating, and without you all helping out, I can’t dominate as completely and as believably as we’d all like. To incentivise you all in this task, I am offering 40 puppies to the first 40 new subscribers. So, if you’d like your friend to get a puppy, get them all signed up!
I began my tour by stopping off for an earthy, rustic and ‘real’ one on one with fans in Dundas, Ontario… The Dundas Buskers Festival, where the coffee was hot, and the schedule was blistering. My associates and I enjoyed the finest coffee in Canada at “Detour” roastery… with some healthy ex-pat New Zealand links… Where else are you going to learn that trade?
I then popped around the corner to the world renowned Waterloo Arts Festival, where I launched the Vinyl Burns Experience – The concert that will change the world (one way or the other™). Big francophone ups to A-Bomb Rosso, my road technician for the festival… he kept the stadium cool and the sounds damp, not to mention wiring me up and padding down the dental regions as needed. Stay tuned for his own album “Je cherche pour ma femme” – out in the fall.
From there, I popped across the ‘Lantic to do a little benefit gig for Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Channel, Calvin Klein and Christian Dior. The whole shindig happened in a beautiful little fake 1850s San Francisco village nestled deep in the Belgian foothills (that’s all they have) of Maasmechelen, Belgium.
Now I’m home, soaking up winter on the horse farm, and bustling up some new moves for the Fall.
If you want to see more of the pictures from the tour, don’t forget to visit, like, friend and poke me on facebook http://www.facebook.com/vinylburnsband and of course, check out the blog and video archive at http://www.vinylburns.com – it’s all there for you, mister-missus.
Sincerely, Vinyl Burns, Forever – www.vinylburns.com
Dr Vinyl Burns
Revised 2010 Tour Dates
April 28, 2010
Hello dirty comedy festival goers.
Vinyl Burns in the Leisure Stepper Gangsta shoot
I just wanted to let you kats know that my plans have changed. I will be splitting my mid year plans into two, possibly more, tours.
The schedule that follows is the current plan.
This differs from the plan currently on my website www.vinylburns.com and I’ll update it soon, but I wanted you to know about it first, because you love me, and I, in turn, respect that love for me. Plus, it’s just polite.
Vinyl Burns 2010 world tour.
Part One: June
Canada – Dundas Buskers Festival & Waterloo Arts Festival
Europe – Festival Del Mundo, Maasmechelen, Belgium
Part Two: July
Secret new project in New Zealand
Part Three: August/September
Aug 4 – 6 Digby Tall Ships Festival, Digby, Nova Scotia CA tbc
Aug 4 – 8 Digby Scallop Festival, Digby, Nova Scotia CA tbc
Aug 13 – 22 Berlin Lacht Alexanderplatz, Berlin DE tbc
Aug 26 – 29 Berlin Lacht Kurfürstendamm, Berlin DE tbc
Aug 31 – Sep 6 PNE, Vancouver CA tbc
Sept 17 – 20 Melbourne Juggling Conv, Melbourne AU
Sept 23 – Oct 3 WOW, Wellington NZ tbc
So that’s that… still plenty of Vinyl time for everyone, just a little changed.
Also, the Comedy Festival is currently on in Wellington and New Zealand… go and check it out, because there’s more to great comedy than just me.
VB – WD40 – 24/7
VB North American tour dates announced
March 17, 2010
All massive hyperbole aside, hello.
I simply wish to bend you giant electric digital ears, and fill them full of the syrupy self fulfilling learnings that only come by way of an intimate acquaintance with, of, near or beneath… Vinyl Burns.
So it is with as much ceremony as they could squeak past me, that I announce my forthcoming Northern Hemisphere tour dates.
The dates are available on the front page of my website: www.vinylburns.com
If you find yourself in the same place, and frame of mind, as I find myself… make sure you come and get acquainted. Track me down at www.twitter.com/vinylburns or through my management team at Kiwi Comedy Ltd.
That’s all the sugar I have for you right now, except for this hot tip… the latest and smoking hotnessed Soft Trance Jangle re-cut of some old guitar lady’s song. It’s done by the smack wave duo out of deepest eastern Otaki city… and they’re called:
Otaki Airforce – Scroll down for the tunes.
Jam It on ya Norway!
OONST!
VB
A flash of new
March 2, 2010
Diggers and Wiggers,
I truly believe that this will find you all in fine health and easy spirits.
I’ve just undergone my quarterly re-branding for tax, fan, health and mechanical reasons, and I invite you all to explore the new flavours of the Vinyl Burns website.
Hosted inside, you will find a methpot of juicy gems from my recent history… samples of the album, music videos, tutorials, medical seminars, nocturnal social experiments, cooking documentaries and much more besides…
Less prominent in this recreation of my public image, is the focus on my acts for sale… While I’m still more than happy to make appearances for children, struggling business and cash, I felt that my followers deserve a sanctuary from the Vinyl Burns hard sell… a place where they can simply relax and enjoy the environment that is vinylburns.com .
Of course, if you wish to arrange to book an appearance from myself, or any one of my stunt doubles, I will gladly direct you towards my management at www.kiwicomedy.com
For now though… a little hot tip for you all. An exciting new project is underway, and now is the time to let your associates know that you were in on the VB ground floor, before the masses. So, pass on the Vinyl loving vibe, and lets see if we can’t all tell two friends…
I’ll keep you posted through here, and will offer you the very very best in immediacy and nowness… Coming soon, Chit Chat Lounge extras, 2010 tour dates, plus tales of my time on the set of “Galaxia” where I played evil Lord Jerkov.
Jingles
VB
Waterloo – Dogs and Poker
May 31, 2008
After my first engagement of the Canadian season – the Toronto International Circus Festival, I ventured and hour south and reaquainted myself with my good buddies the Silly People. When you’re a traveling man in Canada, or any foreign country where the customs, currency and conversation are
strange and unfamiliar, it’s a good idea to have some local contacts to hook you up with a good game of cards. My contacts put me in touch with Tony, who hosts a Wednesday night card game. $150 buy in, with around 20-25 guys involved.
Having enjoyed 3/4 of last weeks game, and fully planning to enjoy at least as high a proportion again this week, I gladly accepted a request to look after Tony’s dogs Boon and Jin for a few days. What better way to repay the kindness of a man who facilitates the weekly loss of $150?
Day one was just a delight… letting the puppies out of their cage and letting them run around the yard while I watched 2 hours of Poker after Dark (nice to see some of those guys implementing some of my tips – the sign of a true professional, always learning from the masters).
Day two, not so smooth.
I arrived and waded into a warm wet atmosphere of urine and poos… I won’t go into too much detail, but the classic vaudeville routine unfolded as follows…
Let the dogs out of the house.
Haul the shitty pissy doggy duvet downstairs to the laundry sink
Haul the Giant dog box downstairs and into the garden
hose out the dog box
haul the dog box back upstairs
realise that the dog box actually comes apart for ease of hauling and cleaning
haul the shitty pissy doggy duvet into the washing machine and start it up
Washing machine breaks, but only once it’s FULL of (now shitty pissy) water.
Washing machine starts leaking shitty pissy water
dogs run through shitty pissy water
dogs run through the rest of the house.
… ok that’s about enough.
I guess the moral of the story is: Don’t look after someone’s dogs because they’ll piss and shit everywhere.
