Vinyl Burns Radio
December 7, 2011
Hello Followers,
I’m just writing to offer you a quick sneaky sample of the radio show I’ll be busting out from time to time. Nothing too regular about it, cos I like to be a moving target. But, if you’d like to know what it is you’re aiming for… here’s a recording of the show. Skip around, find the juicy bits… whatever spins it for ya.
Regards,
Vinyl “The Other Doctor” Burns
A Summer Tour
January 10, 2011
This is going to be weird.
I’m about to head out on tour. Now, that in itself isn’t too strange… I’m certainly not unfamiliar to the grime of the vaudeville road, that’s why I take so many baths. Thing is… since retiring down here in tropical electric paradise, most, if not all of my touring has been undertaken in the form of a giant, lengthy, commitment laden “northern summer” tour of such salubrious festival circuits as Canada, Eastern Europe, The U.A.E., Brazil and even the Spanish clubber’s beach paradise El Campello.
Spanish Club Dates 1988
This time it will be different. This time, it will be local.
Now, despite being retired, I still keep my hand in some pretty fruity pies down here… in part, to inspire a new generation of wannabes, but also, to be honest, because I can’t stay away from the business. It’s in my blood… and it’s not alone, so I gots to keep the show biz pumping through my veins, or the biological ratio of good vs evil will get all out of whack… and who needs that.
So, I work a healthy circuit of gigs here. All kinds of shit… all across the board… all tiers, classes, creeds, flavours, genders, budgets, venues, menus… I soak it all up, cos I like to keep it real. Also, it’s a small place, and there aren’t too many options.
This time around though, I’ve switched it up. After 12 years of being woo’d and quietly coaxed, I’ve relented, and will be attending the Christchurch World Buskers Festival.
Now this is a nice gig… Chilled schedule, beautiful locals, and a good solid pampering for the crew. But what makes it very very odd for me, is having all my buddies from the northern circuits right here, now, shoulder to shoulder, on my turf. Circumstance finally allowing me to play host to some of my closest friends and finest acts on the planet. I will love it, as will all the performers and public fans alike…
The Worlds Finest Clowns
The novelty, and resulting weirdness I feel about it all, has reminded me why I chose this neglected backchannel to wind down my career with the grace and dignity it deserves… You see, by retiring here, where there’s next to nothing going on, I can help to build a faith and passion in this industry, yet with the non-threatening status of “retired legend”, putting the youngsters at their ease. I wear the respect, without the agro.
That’s all well and good, but sometimes, when the world comes to town for ten days, and you’re invited to go play with them… it’s mighty nice to feel the local breeze on your chest, hear the local voices in your head, and drink the local wines, with your local lips.
I welcome the world’s best to Christchurch this month, and hope you’ll live the dream with us.
Kia Ora Kaha Te Whanau
Vinyl
A flash of new
March 2, 2010
Diggers and Wiggers,
I truly believe that this will find you all in fine health and easy spirits.
I’ve just undergone my quarterly re-branding for tax, fan, health and mechanical reasons, and I invite you all to explore the new flavours of the Vinyl Burns website.
Hosted inside, you will find a methpot of juicy gems from my recent history… samples of the album, music videos, tutorials, medical seminars, nocturnal social experiments, cooking documentaries and much more besides…
Less prominent in this recreation of my public image, is the focus on my acts for sale… While I’m still more than happy to make appearances for children, struggling business and cash, I felt that my followers deserve a sanctuary from the Vinyl Burns hard sell… a place where they can simply relax and enjoy the environment that is vinylburns.com .
Of course, if you wish to arrange to book an appearance from myself, or any one of my stunt doubles, I will gladly direct you towards my management at www.kiwicomedy.com
For now though… a little hot tip for you all. An exciting new project is underway, and now is the time to let your associates know that you were in on the VB ground floor, before the masses. So, pass on the Vinyl loving vibe, and lets see if we can’t all tell two friends…
I’ll keep you posted through here, and will offer you the very very best in immediacy and nowness… Coming soon, Chit Chat Lounge extras, 2010 tour dates, plus tales of my time on the set of “Galaxia” where I played evil Lord Jerkov.
Jingles
VB
Party 2010
December 28, 2009
Hello G
2010 is almost upon us, so I felt the urge to throw down some honest partying advice to those of you ready to shake off the festivities of 2009, and drop it down into 4th gear for a night.
I’ll keep it short, cos who really wants to be tied up behind the computer all summer. I offer 3 tips.
1) Just because the sand is mostly yellow, doesn’t mean you can’t put it in your mouth sometimes.
2) When a lady on the beach asks “Is anybody looking”, she means “Stop looking at me”
3) Sometimes the novelty of renting a beach house, just like regular people, is cooled somewhat by bad management, with a short grass fixation. I’m a jungle lover!!!
Well, that’s about it from me for 2009. Wherever you’re spending your New Years Eve, just know that I’ll be with thousands of lucky families in the Civic Square of Wellington City, New Zealand.
Here’s a little party song to get you in the mood!
http://bit.ly/18S4rv
I’m Vinyl Burns.
A poem, by Vinyl Burns
March 18, 2009
Here are some of the lyrics from my song “Dancer” available at http://www.vinylburns.com or on my facebook page.
DANCER.
Aw, this had better be good… you’d better be ready for this. It starts up gentle, but we fire it up… fire it up like a kiln…. Bring you all the way up to 800 degrees celcius. That’s firing temperature. Let me tell ya… you might want to sit down for this.
Yeah… bring the beef back. Lay down some of that bovine syncopation. Four on the floor… four in the belly…. COW STYLE!
That’s right ladies, I called you bitches, I gave you babies, I brough you riches.
That’s right ladies, I called you bitches, I gave you babies, I brough you riches.
Honest, soulful… pure, honest, soulful drums… you can’t argue with the drums…
I’m a rapper, tap tap, tell me who is that?
As the vinyl turns and the record player burns,
like a wiki wiki West Nile virus fever
if a lady wants me, you’d best believe her…
Come on now… ride the bicycle to the dairy for me.
I need some butter and some eggs.
That’s what I need.
Let me tell you something….
You feel the pain, I earn the dollar, I walk the walk, it’s me they follow,
they envy me, it’s me they covet, the ladies have it and the ladies love it!
(and can you get some of those biscuits as well?)
I’m a disco dog on a leash of love, like a K9 rolling on a shagpile rug,
I scratch and I twist and I hit the ground, and I bark and I leave hairs all around.
(That’s a metaphor. I hear you, I feel what you’re saying… with your words.)
OK.. you know what they say… “Upstairs for thinking… downstairs for parking”. It’s gonna get heavy now.
I’m a rapper, tap tap, tell me who is that?
As the vinyl turns and the record player burns,
like a wiki wiki West Nile virus fever
if a lady wants me, you’d best believe her…
Bring back the beat to the seventies master,
V for Vinyl, lazyboy recliner,
Bring back the meat for the summertime platter,
Power to the people, Vinyl is a rapper
That’s right ladies, I called you bitches, I gave you babies, I brough you riches.
I paid for dinner, I let you swallow, now crack the bass, I hear you holla.
You feel the pain, I earn the dollar, I walk the walk, it’s me they follow,
they envy me, it’s me they covet, the ladies have it and the ladies love it!
I’m a likable love and I ride a bike, I honour your culture, I respect the dykes.
I feel a fever like a summer chill, the choice is yours to be on the pill.
I’m a freedom lover and a man of means, and I like the ladies and I like machines.
I like good cooking and a lady chef, and the guy who cleans my pool, named Jeff.
A verbal warning doesn’t slow me down, doesn’t kill the evening, doesn’t cool the crowd…
Don’t stop the bus if the tank’s still full.
You’re a lady in RED and I’m a charging bull.
like a wiki wiki West Nile virus fever
if a lady wants me, you’d best believe her…
Welcome to Vinyl’s World…
May 31, 2008
Hello folks,
Welcome to the first of many regular Vinyl Burns web log entries… keeping you abreast of what I’m up to, and my personal read on the world I’m in. I hope you can join with me on a crusade to bring good times to wherever the bad times roll, and to warm and moisten even the most desolate and frigid of regions.
