Waterloo – Dogs and Poker

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May 31, 2008 by vinylburns

After my first engagement of the Canadian season – the Toronto International Circus Festival, I ventured and hour south and reaquainted myself with my good buddies the Silly People. When you’re a traveling man in Canada, or any foreign country where the customs, currency and conversation are
strange and unfamiliar, it’s a good idea to have some local contacts to hook you up with a good game of cards. My contacts put me in touch with Tony, who hosts a Wednesday night card game. $150 buy in, with around 20-25 guys involved.

Having enjoyed 3/4 of last weeks game, and fully planning to enjoy at least as high a proportion again this week, I gladly accepted a request to look after Tony’s dogs Boon and Jin for a few days. What better way to repay the kindness of a man who facilitates the weekly loss of $150?

Day one was just a delight… letting the puppies out of their cage and letting them run around the yard while I watched 2 hours of Poker after Dark (nice to see some of those guys implementing some of my tips – the sign of a true professional, always learning from the masters).

Day two, not so smooth.

I arrived and waded into a warm wet atmosphere of urine and poos… I won’t go into too much detail, but the classic vaudeville routine unfolded as follows…

Let the dogs out of the house.

Haul the shitty pissy doggy duvet downstairs to the laundry sink

Haul the Giant dog box downstairs and into the garden

hose out the dog box

haul the dog box back upstairs

realise that the dog box actually comes apart for ease of hauling and cleaning

haul the shitty pissy doggy duvet into the washing machine and start it up

Washing machine breaks, but only once it’s FULL of (now shitty pissy) water.

Washing machine starts leaking shitty pissy water

dogs run through shitty pissy water

dogs run through the rest of the house.

… ok that’s about enough.

I guess the moral of the story is: Don’t look after someone’s dogs because they’ll piss and shit everywhere.

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Dr Vinyl Burns

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My Management: Kiwi Comedy Ltd.

My DJ Mixes: DJ Vinyl Burns

My Podcast: Jesus It's Early

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