K/W F.C.

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June 2, 2008 by vinylburns

I took a break from rehearsing for my coming variety show appearance in K/W (that’s urban rhyming slang for “The Cities of Kitchener and Waterloo”. Apparently they were originally two large cities hundreds of miles apart, who’s mayors developed something of a homosexual romance, and devised a plan to relocate both cities to a third, geographically neutral location, allowing them to retain ready access to mortal (and legal) sins of the flesh , as well as the duly appointed Mayoral “bling bling”.

On my day off, I stopped in to watch the women’s soccer team with whom I have an informal coaching arrangement. I can’t explain this arrangement in any detail for tax and legal reasons. Also, one of their husbands owns a computer and might read this.

It was during this soccer game that I was reminded of the fragility of life. As the referee huffed and puffed around the 5m circle in the centre of the pitch, he missed, misinterpreted, misheard, fabricated, ignored, disbelieved, disregarded, over emphasised or closed his eyes to almost every instance of activity on the field. Indeed, he blew his whistle so often, it was almost as if he were just double checking that he was still breathing. And, with his giant elderly short pants up around his nipples, it’s likely he sported an even higher pitched instrument than that which hang from his neck.

The frustration of both teams was evident, though not to the referee, as they cursed, gestured, disrobed and urinated at him. (or in the case of the latter, on his car).

While I felt for these poor ladies, striving to excel under the ruling thumb of a male fist, I couldn’t help thinking that they would learn from this, the same lesson that the Mayors learned all those years ago.

That a man will see what he wants, and do what he pleases, and even if it’s expensive, uncomfortable or even illegal, you’ll probably always end up with a new city in your back yard and someone’s balls in the back of your net.

Vinyl Burns

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Dr Vinyl Burns

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My Management: Kiwi Comedy Ltd.

My DJ Mixes: DJ Vinyl Burns

My Podcast: Jesus It's Early

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