A hard fact to swallow

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March 18, 2009 by vinylburns

I own a "Mooger Maker™"

Bridlington North Bay by My random photos

I first used one in 1983 at a beach getaway in England. I'd been staying at a local B&B called "The Viking's Kip" and I remember it had a tiny tiny letterbox, jammed with junk mail. Norman, the man of the house, told me he'd always refused to clear it out, as "they only fill it up again".

He didn't seem to have a problem with applying that philosophy at the pub.

I took it upon myself to clear out the junk mail from the struggling receptacle, and set about reading every item of mail.

One item in particular, I never showed to Norman, as he would probably be happier not knowing that he'd won £17,000.00 the previous year, and the prize had expired. Please don't tell him.

Having sifted through the collection of backed up communications, I realised I would need to dispose of them without letting on to Norman, so I decided the best plan was to eat them. So, I proceeded to cut the papers into small bite size samples, and wash them down with a mug or two of the local yeast drink: Moogertine.

Now, if you've ever tried to swallow 3 years worth of junk mail, you'll know that one pint glass of yeasty good times, just isn't going to cut it… Fortunately, I'd noticed Norm's patented "Mooger Maker" hanging in the hallway, and put the automated beverage machine to work.

Eight Mooger pints later, the room was clean… as would I be, in 32 hours.

Norman was never any the wiser to this little project, as by 11am the next day, the mail box was jammed up once again with fresh junk mail, and I for one, was not going to eat it.

However, I felt compelled to set to rights the matter of his unclaimed prize. And, given the first hand assistance I'd taken from his "Mooger Maker", I decided to lend my marketing genius to his project, helping him to create a nation wide infomercial campaign which netted him £8.2 Million.

As they say in television land…
It's worth the warmin' , Norman.

Vinyl Burns


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Dr Vinyl Burns

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My Management: Kiwi Comedy Ltd.

My DJ Mixes: DJ Vinyl Burns

My Podcast: Jesus It's Early

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