Dallas Woodland

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March 26, 2009 by vinylburns

Passion is a waiting panther, wearing a bikini in the jungle.

It was a sparkling winters evening in 1974. The unseasonable snow storm had forced me off the highway, and into the woodlands. I was attempting a "CHiPs" style 180 turn, when a snake fell out of a tree onto my windscreen and I lost focus. I awoke hours later, my mustang half in a ditch, and with a strange ethereal princess (or priestess, I can't remember – I was quite drunk) shaking me and asking about money for the phone. The natural response seemed to be to compliment her good looks. This instantly changed the mood… She leaned toward me, her beads jangling in the icy moonlight… and kissed me on the shoulders… I reciprocated… as the cold, the shock, the perfume and the excitment overwhelmed me.

When I was revived my medical personnel 9 hours later, she was gone… leaving me with a heaviness in my heart, a lightness in my wallet and a lump on the back of my head.

The lump… of love.


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Dr Vinyl Burns

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My Management: Kiwi Comedy Ltd.

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