Jailbroken Jailbreaking

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May 23, 2014 by vinylburns

So, Nerds…


I run a pretty tight digital productivity ship…


I have a couple of MacBooks floating around the hours, various wireless devices scooping up the data and pumping it out around the estate, in the form of heat, light and Rock’N’Roll… and at the hot end of the deal, is my iPhone 5s, my interactive personal conduit to the system.


Frankly, it’s a system of broken pieces… each of them highly specific, intricate modules of design elegance, all slotted together immaculately, with no thought as to the end user’s experience.


I’ve worked around a lot of the failings by jailbreaking my iPhone 5s, running 7.0.4… and it’s pretty great!  Except that ios 7 is fundamentally unstable, and causes a springboard crash up to a dozen times a day… usually as you’re whipping the phone out to quickly capture something quite important….  It made me want to be a terrorist.




But, I’m better than that, so calm down GCSB, CIA, FSB… all of you.

Instead, I took a chance on the ios 7.1 update, rumoured to significantly minimise the flaky and increasingly detached hecticity  with which Apple churns out their previously divine tiny gadgets.


Indeed, it does what it says on the frictionless, white plastic tin… It stopped crashing.  In fact, in the 35 hours since updating to 7.1.1 it’s not crashed once.


However, it’s not until something is gone, that you truly appreciate it’s power and beauty.  Such is the way with my currently unavailable jailbreak.  Eventually, the good working super nerdo, shallow entry, deep web, boffins will nut out a jailbreak for 7.1.1 – but until then, it runs like a dog.


It’s a solid, reliable dog, but it’s still a dog.


Designed to slow every action, transition and interaction with beautiful, fluid and GODDAM TEDIOUS animations… allowing you to house no more than 20 child sized application buttons, for the fat fingered, dumbed down screen  slappers who are evidently Apple’s generic user template for their babied designs, and massively limiting layout and functionality.


OK, I’m getting all pissed off now… so I’ll wrap it up and simply leave you to explore a few screenshots of my jailbroken apps, which I hope to revive someday soon.

Take it all in… live it.  Dig it.





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Dr Vinyl Burns

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My Management: Kiwi Comedy Ltd.

My DJ Mixes: DJ Vinyl Burns

My Podcast: Jesus It's Early

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