Ten Amazing Secrets For Air Travel

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June 9, 2014 by vinylburns

Travel Bronies,


So you’re planning a trip, and it’s going to involve flying in a giant futuristic space tube with wings and drinks?


Good choice.


But before you get your vulnerable fleshy body inside the cylindrical long distance coffin, there will be obstacles.


So, here are five obstacles, followed by five solutions.

(I say solutions, but I really mean “crimes” – That’s air travel).



1) Nobody trusts you

2) They keep asking you questions you don’t want to answer

3) They’ll charge you to do nothing for you

4) They’ll lock you up and then triple the price of survival

5) They’ll feel you up, or give you cancer



1) Accept that you’re basically a killer.  You don’t know how dangerous you are, so you should shut up and take off your clothes, for your country and for your God.

2) Maybe it’s time for YOU to start asking some questions.  Let me know how that goes for you.

3) Take the hint – Give them all your money, take off your clothes and let them do the rest.

4) Maybe they’re locking you up for your own safety.  Safety is pricey, whichever side of the electric razor fence you’re curled up in a ball, whimpering, and making a yellow puddle on.

5) It’s one or the other…  I’d go with getting felt up.  It’s usually more expensive on the outside…  (of the airport).


Brilliant!  Now you’re totally prepared for the wonderful joysplosion of air based travelism.


Bon Viggity Voyage.



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Dr Vinyl Burns

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My Management: Kiwi Comedy Ltd.

My DJ Mixes: DJ Vinyl Burns

My Podcast: Jesus It's Early

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