Top Ten Things that Paul Henry should know…

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September 24, 2014 by vinylburns

Hezzaaaah Nizzaaalaaaaadas.

Paul Henry.

He’s a funny gentleman.

Gentle like a creamy spongecake.

Manly, like a high school geography relief teacher.

John Can't Even Watch - Paul Henry

John Can’t Even Watch – Paul Henry

He’s a spectacular broadcaster, a wise, loving and selfless family man, and no stranger to a sneaky bit of playground rustle-tustle when he can get away with it. But sometimes, even the wildly well informed and special maniac genius newsmen of the world, need a set of whispering mouth-lips in their ears, and a gentle socio-legal realignment from time to time.

So here now, in this the year of 2014, are the Top Ten Things Paul Henry should know.

Well, actually, it’s Thirteen things, because sometimes, you just need to go the extra mile.

1) Yes, you were re-employed in NZ, but so was John Key.

2) New Zealand read your Australian reviews. Bummer.

3) The Governor General thinks your unfit for your job, despite you being white.

4) Your hair could do with a trim. Maybe a couple of inches?

5) Janika’s work stands alone, without the need for the sexist side-boob-tracking intro.

7) Why are there no homeless people or street kids in your gritty, urban alleyway opening sequence?

8) Have you considered spelling your name P&@*l H#$*&!nry ? That’s how I hear it.

9) I wrote a song about your intellect, but I didn’t learn it.

10) I heard you used to be a lady.

11) A gang was asking about you.

12) “Two Ticks Blue” is a very dirty documentary

13) You’re less at the “Hosking” end of the spectrum and more at the “Colin Craig” end.

Bingo Bango Jumble Fabio!
That’s it for this week.

VB

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Dr Vinyl Burns

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