Jail Hack

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July 13, 2015 by vinylburns

Nerdo’s.

I’m a tech rebel.

I jailbreak my iPhone for the added functionality and the infinitely smoother workflow that jailbreaking allows. There are enough sweet hacks, tweaks, workarounds and fudges that I can almost literally swipe, click, press, shake, whisper or shimmy my way to my desired information, communication or rejuvenation.

I love it, but when, for whatever complex bureaucratic or hipstermatic, smarm saturated reason, I lose the jailbreak and revert to the standard OS, it’s as close to ice-cold claustrophobic as a digital lifestyle experience can be. All my freedoms whipped away in an instant, back to surfing the tiny salty web-waters, with a selection of immaculately designed, but still dangerously inconvenient weight belts.

 

Drowning in yesterday.
But if you ask me what exactly I change and how it benefits me, I could list maybe 5 things before I blank.

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Similarly, I’ve made a lot of chaos in the world.  Diving into the shallow end of the hotel pool, drinking from the bottom of the glass, sleeping in the glass elevator of life.  On the odd occasion when I’ve sobered up to the conformities of modern structure and agreeable norms of business and entertainment, I’m lost.

 

See, sometimes a man needs to know there’s a life raft under the piano, and have Clint Hannah on speed dial when he wakes up at noon, squinting in the Pasadena haze.  His systems are beyond you, but that’s no reason to deny them.  They’re real, and they work.

 

To remove access to them, well that’s just uncool.

By the way, if you’re looking for more.  Look harder.

 

VB

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Dr Vinyl Burns

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My Management: Kiwi Comedy Ltd.

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