5 Airplane Cabin Must-Haves.

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July 26, 2015 by vinylburns

5 Airplane Cabin Must Haves.

Air travel is a pure joy. Luxury lifestyles don’t come to us all, and even when they do, you can’t take them for granted.
Fortunately, the pleasures and excesses of air travel are available to us all, if only for between Eight and Thirty Nine hours at a time.

However, as the old expression says, every day there’s someone who hasn’t heard theBeeGees, so for you first time fliers, or those of you too old to have gotten the hang of it, here are my Top Five Airplane Cabin Must Haves.

1) Silence. Just shut the hell up.

2) Hunger. Don’t bring that pizza on board. Holster your banana, cowboy. And Goddamit I’ll choke you with that fish sandwich.

3) DINKY. Hey, I love animals, jaccuzies, the Rolling Stones and children, but I don’t want them on my plane. Well, actually, one time I was on Keith Richard’s private jet and he had a hot tub in the back. Made it hard to decend with all that water in the back, apparently, but he didn’t seem too worried about it. He was too busy trying to name everyone he’d kissed, and calling me Gordon.

4) Your screen. They give you a giant monkey-flustered screen on the back of the seat in front of you. Watch it. Not mine. Also, don’t ask me what’s happening in my movie. I’m probably just letting it run so you think I’m busy and you won’t talk to me. So when you ask, it makes me angry like a terrorist.

5) Drink up! The don’t put those sailors on the plane for nothing! Have them make you a couple of drinks and let’s get the party started!

OK… Bon Voyage and I’ll see you on the other side of the dateline.

VB
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Dr Vinyl Burns

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My Management: Kiwi Comedy Ltd.

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